13.6.09

Match Made in Heaven

This is an odd post.

It is about the glorious hypothetical union that had existed in my mind this week between Mike Tyson and Neil "Razor" Ruddock.

Found my way over to some Mike Tyson quotes, which, if he had never participated in any sport, would more than validate his existence on this planet. Exhibit A;

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

Then I saw one under the title "Razor Ruddock" which read;

"You're sweet. I'm going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I'm gonna make you my girlfriend."

Really and honestly there is only so much "context" can explain. It did get me thinking, though, about who I thought was this "Razor Ruddock". What exactly did these two get up to when the lights went dark? I remembered reading about Razor from internet excerpts of Stan Collymore's biography. (Collymore's scandals himself warrant their own post some day.)

"As soon as he was a fair distance away, Razor, who weighed about
18 stone by then, hopped of the treadmill but left it running. He reached
down into his bag and pulled out a foil container which had a bacon and egg
sandwich in it. He sat down, whipped out a newspaper and started reading
through it..."

That particular story is nothing short of incredible beyond belief. The stuff of legends. Really makes a mockery of "professionalism" and not what we would expect from any pro athlete these days. Especially at my beloved LFC! 18 stone!?! 18 stone is closer to sumo wrestling surely! Really looks like he wondered a few hundred miles off an Eastenders set looking for Frank Butcher or someone.

Anyway, I googled to see if there was a meeting, romantic or otherwise, of these two titans of ridiculousity (Tysonism??) and it turned out there was a beast of a boxer called Razor Ruddock in the early 90s that Tyson... boxed. My heart sank as quickly as it had raised only 30 minutes earlier.

Reality is shit.

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